I wasn't Prepared...

So that title is rather cryptic, right? It's pretty much the truth, though. The last few days I have been combing through countless pictures looking for pictures of my sister. I found more than I thought I had. Looking at them, brought back lots of memories. It was hard and there were a lot of feelings. I was not prepared for that. I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was. Those pictures are essentially the only tangible things we have left to remember her. They represent a whole lifetime, well they do now. When Laura died we wanted to put together something together for her funeral. We had plans to do that. Then things took the turn that they did. It just didn't end coming together, until now I guess. I am working on an album and Scott is working on a video. We want to have it all ready for our family get together in a week.

This get together is actually on what would have been Laura's wedding day. We debated a little as a family about getting together that day. It just made sense, I guess. We wanted to be together as a family that day, we would have been anyway. I guess one of the things that has come out of Laura's death is that we are trying to make sure that we stay better connected as a family. It's unfortunate that, this is what it took to realize that. Not the less though it's been really good to reconnect with them.

As, I navigate this journey, I have come to realize that it's going to be a long one. One that I need to accept and be patient with. Today marks three months since Laura died. Three months. It seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at the same time. Each day is different, none is the same. There are so many things that I wish that I could have done to prevent what happened. The would of's, the should of's and could of's will drive you crazy, that it one thing that I have learned. There is nothing that anyone could have done to change it.