Seriously this year...

This year, holy cow. 2019 needs to hurry and get here. I've been preparing myself for this month of July, waiting for something to happen. This has seemed to be the case for 2018, every other month has sucked. It all started in January when Scott's grandma passed away. In March we had to put my dad in a nursing home and in May, Laura. Today I got news that good friends of our lost their precious daughter. I have known this family for 26 years. They are good people, all of them! I was actually almost a part of it, in what seems to be a lifetime ago now. My heart breaks for them because I understand just a little of what they are going through.

To lose a loved one, that pain is indescribable. Even going through my grief process, I can only imagine how they feel. The thing I am learning about grief and loss is that no two people go through the same thing. People experience different stages at different times. 

In my house Scott and I are never in the same place as of late and that is hard. We both are going through our own process. Some days, I wish things could go back to normal, back to where they were before my sister died. The truth is that will never happen. As I strive to find my new normal in this situation, I crave routine and some sort of structure. That being said everyday is getting better, I know that structure and routine are out there. I will find it and embrace it once it comes back to me. 

I am learning that there is no way you can prepare yourself on this process. Everyday is different. I think I have it all under control and then I am crying in the middle of a store and being comforted by my best friend. The thing with this is there no instruction manual on grief, even if there was one people don't always follow instructions. This process is hard, it's messy and unpredictable.